Facing foreclosure, Lorie Line selling items on eBay
While the rest of you are plotting your Black Friday shopping ops, I've already started on my own door-buster buying.
Actually, the door was opened for me, even if it wasn't on purpose.
In case you missed it - because those hacks at TMZ didn't report it - Lorie Line, Minnesota's queen of Christmas, faces foreclosure on her palatial Lake Minnetonka mansion.
The property was put on the market in October for $3.99 million and last week it was revealed the pianist and her husband and business partner, Tim, owe more than $2 million on the 8,500-square-foot estate with 1,000 feet of shoreline.
The performer told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that the decision to sell was based on downsizing.
"Tim and my son have four acres to mow, and I have 10 bathrooms to clean," Line told the newspaper. "It's a good time to sell. I see myself living in a simpler way."
According to the story, the home has six bathrooms, not 10, but after cleaning the first five, I always lose count, too.
Whether it was prompted by a need to make money or a need to save space, Line has put personal items up for sale on eBay over the past few months, making Christmas shopping a little easier for the Line lover on everyone's list.
Who wouldn't want to wake up to find a previously tickled ivory white Yamaha concert grand piano under the tree, err, mistletoe? Well, maybe the person who was expecting a new BMW in the driveway with an oversized red ribbon on top, but c'mon, times are tight and $49,999 only goes so far.
OK, so that may be a tad over most people's holiday budget, but there are lots of other colorful gift ideas - assuming your lady friends wear a size 4.
The spritely pianist is selling a variety of dresses - cocktail, couture and evening! - in degrees of bedazzlement. For $135, you can snatch up this "one-shoulder, royal blue, full-length evening number, with a ruffled sleeveless strap and rushed chiffon past the waistline." I don't know what all of that means, but I do know if you want something more sparkly, you'll pay for it, like the white beaded evening gown for $3,420.
Luckily, many of the items are now 10 percent off, meaning the Chanel "Fantasy Fur" boots with "icicle" heals, are now only $899.99. According to the accompanying pictures, Line wore them onstage while rocking out on a key-tar to what I'm assuming was a Christmas take on Rush's epic "By-Tor & The Snow Dog."
Maybe I should just follow Lorie's lead, keep it simple and go with the black "super afro" wig, never used and still in its packaging for $22.49. But how do you buy the wig and not a pair of the fish tank platform shoes for $89.10, or a used pair for $50 cheaper?
Instead, I'm looking forward to seeing the faces of my mother and siblings when they unwrap the tattered but matching denim and rhinestone cowboy outfits worn by the Lorie Line Pop Chamber Orchestra circa 2000. Sure, they're $180 an outfit, but can you put a price on a perfectly corny family portrait for next year's Christmas card?
Even in times of financial trouble, Lorie Line just keeps on giving.